I started thinking about this entry while I was meditating,
the observer part of me chronicling and ready to report like a media announcer:
“Now I am observing my breath,
feeling the in and out at my nostrils and the rising and falling of my chest.”
I think this is funny. I am struggling with myself not to multi-task, to just sit quietly and try not to describe sitting quietly.
“How many times have I meditated over the last few weeks?”
I resist opening my eyes to look at the chart that I have checked off.
"17 out of 28 days? Something like that? What is that as a fraction? More than half...
Oh... I am... thinking, thinking. Get back to my breath.”
What is it Sharon Salzberg says in her basic meditation instructions?
the mind has been trained to be distracted,
If you have to begin again a million times in the course of one sitting,
That is the practice.”
And so I keep labeling my thoughts "planning" or “thinking” and then refocusing on my breath, on one breath at a time, the simple movement of in and out.
My intention is to sit quietly on most days for about twenty minutes.
Isn’t it funny that it is so difficult to make time daily to just sit quietly?
Then why do I do it? I’ve read so much about the benefits but try not to have great expectations.
Partly to see if I can, and maybe to understand why I can't. To track my resistance to slowing down. And to sometimes experience that sweet momentary serenity and satisfaction with myself.
That's my Intention.